Guidelines - "So What Are You?" part 1

Dealing With the Question: "So What Are You?"

It is time, my mixed friends, to tackle the dreaded question, "So what are you?"  Let Jared Padalecki's face convey your feelings.

As a multiracial, multiethnic, blended, mixed teen, college student or otherwise young person, I'm sure you've been asked this question before.

Maybe an acquaintance heard you refer to yourself as latino then later as asian and calls you on it.  Maybe someone's been sneaking glances at you and finally owns up to it, saying that they can't figure out what race and/or ethnicity you look like.  Whatever the lead in might be, the conclusion's often the same: "Wait, so what are you anyway?"

Similar to the “I don’t find ________s attractive” post (found here), we’ll discuss the ways: 1) how “so what are you?” can be hurtful to mixed folks, and 2) how you, someone who identifies as mixed, can respond in a series of two posts.  In this first post, we’ll look at why asking such a question can come across as hurtful to mixed folks.  Ready, go!

 

What Makes “So what are you?” Hurtful?

Tone

• The biggest reason that this question gets expressed poorly is often the tone used.

• You might have the best intentions, but depending on how you deliver, this question can come across as scrutinizing or judge-y.

Implied Right to Personal Info

• Are you curious about how other folks identify?  Of course you are.  So am I.  Do we have a right to that information?  Hahaha, no.

• A question like “So what are you?” can give the impression of demanding how someone identifies with race and/or ethnicity.

• For mixed folks, there’s sometimes the mentality that because our appearance doesn’t immediately categorize us into basic racial/ethnic groups, asking us to clarify is free game.
• This experience is not strictly limited to mixed folks!

Hopefully the above sheds a little light on how “So what are you?” can hurt mixed folks.  Have you ever been asked this question in a way that made you feel uncomfortable?  How did you respond?

Feel free to leave any comments or questions in the box below.  As always, “Growing Up Mixed” is a safe space.

Stay tuned for part two when discuss how multiracial, multiethnic, blended, mixed teens and young adults can respond!

Go with the flow!

<3 Elise “The Mixed Blogging Chick”